"Dude we can fix it, my dad's got an awesome set of tools."

"People on 'ludes should not drive."

"My dad is a tv repair man, he's got this ultimate set of tools, i can fix it"-Jeff Spicoli

Brad (Judge Reinhold): I shall serve no fries before their time.

Spicoli: "You dick!"

Stacy Hamilton: When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out? Linda Barrett: A quart or so.

"Awesome, totally Awesome!!!!"

Spicoli (on phone): (Taps head with shoe) "Hear that? Can you guess what it is? That was my skull! I'm so wasted!"

"What Jeffeson was trying to say is, we left that England place because it was bogus and if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto, we'll just be bogus too."

Spicoli: "My old man has this excellent set of repair tools, I can fix it".

Mike Damone and his infamous 'five-point plan': First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

i hope you had a hell of a piss arnold!!!!

"Learn it, know it, live it!"

Sports Announcer: Most people thought Mark Cutback Davis, or Joey Jungledead Gerard would win this surf contest. Jeff Spicoli: Ha! Those guys are fags!

"This is American History, I see the globe right there."

Hey bud, what's your problem?

"Your brother's gonna shit! He's gonna kill us!" "Well make up your mind, dude. Is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?"

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Dice (HA HA HA HA)

Customer: "It says 'one hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed' you moron!" Brad: "Sir, if you don't shut up I'm going to kick one hundred percent of your ass!"

Mike Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.

"What are you people, on dope?"

Does anybody f**king knock anymore?

Passenger in car: Hey Spicoli you just ran that red light. Jeff Spicoli: It was yellow a minute ago, I'm sure!

Mr. Hand: Who is it? Guy: Pizza guy. Mr. Hand: Again?

Spicoli: "I'm here for Geography class"
Mr. Hand: "How do you know this is Geography"
Spicoli: "Look at the globe, dude."

"Thank you everyone, you've been a wonderful croud. This song is one of my personal favorites, and it goes out to a man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today. Cameron Fry, this is for you." (breaks into Wayne Newton's "danke Shoen")

Its a little childish and stupid, but then again, so is high-school.

"You're not dying you just cant think of anything good to do"

"I do have a test today; that wasn't bull. It's on European Socialism. I mean really, whats the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So, who cares if they're socialists? They could be Facist Energists for all I care. It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone facism, or any other ism for that matter. Isms, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an ism; he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all...he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus-I'd still have to bum rides off of people."

"I mean really, I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be Facist Energists for all I care, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus- I'd still have to bum rides off people."

"Mmmm...mmm...mmm...what a little a**hole."

Ferris Bueller: Cameron, dear friend, you thought we wouldn't have any fun. Shame on you.

cameron: "i think i see my dad."(when they're looking down at the street from the top of that tall building and they can barely see the cars!!!!)

Guy at restaurant : "Abe Frulman; the Sausage King of Chicago"? Ferris : "That's me "

Sloane: What are we going to do?Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"

"The 1961 Ferrari, two-fifty GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion..." "It is his fault, he didn't lock the garage." "Four thousand restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to."

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

"Ferris Bueller, you're my hero!"

Ferris Bueller you're my hero!

SAVE FERRIS!

Mr. Rooney: He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body. Grace: He makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed

"He was the walrus...I could be the walrus." (About John Lennon)

Cameron (sitting in car): "He'll keep calling me. This ridiculous. Okay. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. Sh**!!"

"I think we should shoot her." - Tom Bueller, about Jeannie

"Anyone, anyone?"

Ferris to Cameron: "Take some Pepto Bismol and get yourself over here!" Girl on Bus to Mr. Rooney: "Want a gummy bear? They're soft and warm, they have been in my pocket."

"Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."

'You wear too much eye make-up, my sister wears too much eye make-up, people think she's a whore'

"I don't even have a piece of shit; I have to envy yours."

Ferris sister, responding to an unknown person in the house (who is the principal): "Whoever you are, I just want you to know that I have my father's gun, and scorching case of herpes!"
"Um, he's sick. My best friends sisters boyfriends brothers girlfriend heard from this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."
I mean really, I'm not European. I don't plan on BEING European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be Facists anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
(Cameron singing) "When Cameron was in Egypt's land...Let my Cameron go."

Rooney: "I don't trust that kid as far as I can throw him." Grace: "Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't be throwing anything... it's true."

"We can't pick up Sloan in your car. Mr. Rooney would never believe Mr. Peterson drives that piece of s#$#." "It's not a piece of s#$#." "It is a piece of s#$#. Relax, I don't even have a piece of s#$#, I have to envy yours."

"Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."

"Le joue son fait. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine!" "Listen, I'm glad you hope my brother's feeling better pal, but I'm in a lot of danger right now! I'm very cute, I'm very alone, and I'm very protective of my body, I don't want it violated or killed, ALL RIGHT? Speak it in ENGLISH? DICK HEAD!" "I heard that you were feeling ill! Headache, fever, and a chill! I came to help restore your pluck! 'Cause I'm the nurse who likes to ----."

"The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you a good phoney fever is a deadlock, but you get a nervous Mother, you could wind up in a Doctor's office-that's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then so is high school."

(door bell rings) Ferris Bueller-Who is it? Ed Rooney-Its Ed Ronney Ferris i need to have a word with u. Bueller-Oh I am sorry I cant come to the door right now I feel that in my weekend condition I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject my self to further school absences. Ronney-Ferris get down here. Bueller-You can reach my parents at their places of business. Ronney-Ferris. Bueller-Thank you for stoping by I appricte your concern for my well being. Ronney-FERRIS(rings doorbell) Buller-Who is it? Ronney-You know damn well who it is.

not that i condone fashism, or any ism in that matter, isms in my opinion are not good. a man should no believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. i quote john lennon "i dont believe in beatles, i just believe in me" a good point there, after all he was the walrus, i could be the walrus, but id still have to bum rides off people.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.

"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a DIAMOND."

"When Cameron was in egypt land.....let my cameron go"

I heard that you were feeling ill / Headache, fever, and a chill / I came to help restore your pluck / 'Cause I'm the nurse who likes to... (jeannie slams door)

"I swear Cammeron is so tense that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass in about 10 seconds it would be a diamond."

Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you shoved a lump of coal up his *ss, in two weeks, you'd have a diamond

" Bueller...Beuller..... Beuller?"

What are you grinning at you ghost? It was you? No Ray, it was you.

"Is this heaven?" "No, its Iowa."

"If you build it, they will come."

Teasle: " Are you telling me that 200 men against your boy is a no-win situation for us?"

"It's over Johnny."

"Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off. It wasn't my war. You asked me, I didn't ask you!"

Archie: "Sir, you are a vulgarian."
Otto: "YOU'RE the vulgarian, you fuck!!!"

"It's K-K-K-Ken C-C-C-Coming to K-K-K-Kill me.

The chip-England's contribution to world cuisine. And what goes with chips? Wait a tick--it's fish!"

"Pathetic earthlings! Hurling your bodies out into the void...without the slightest inkling of who or what is out there! If you had any idea of the true nature of the universe, any at all, you would have hidden from it in terror." - Ming the Merciless

Nick: I'll bring him a doggy bag if you'll have dinner with me. Alex Owens: I told you, I don't think it's a good idea to go out with the boss. Nick: OK. Have it your way. You're fired. I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight.

if you give up your dreams, you die

"Today is a good day to die."

That's a beautiful wing, I love the shape.
No, really doc. It feels much better already. I think maybe if I did some calnesthenics and bent over like this every morning... MOON RIVER! Ever serve time, doc?
I'll have a steak sandwich and a... steak sandwich.
Why don't you guys go down to the gym and pump each other.
Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo." - when the woman opens the door wearing a towel and nothing else
Fletch says, as they enter the Stanwyck mansion: "You know, I came this close to buying this place, until I heard that Hopalong Cassidy killed himself here. Bow and arrow . . . very weird."
Nurse to Fletch, as he enters the hospital: "May I help you Doctor . . ."
Fletch: "Yes, I'm Doctor Rosen-Penis. Can you tell me where the Records Room is?"
At the dinnertable Blaine responds to the question: "What are your plans?"
"Well, I've given this a lot of thought, and I don't want to buy anything, sell anything or process anything for a living. I don't want to buy anything sold or processed, or sell anything bought or processed, or process anything bought or sold or processed. . . Or repair anything bought or sold or processed. I don't want to do that for a living."
Doc: "Barbar that's an unusual name. Isn't there a childrens book about an elephant name Barbar."
Fletch: "I don't know, I don't have any."
Doctor: "What, children."
Fletch: "No, elephant books."

"Your wife said something to me while we were in bed together. She said that we had roughly the same build...from the waist up, I imagine..."

"What do want me to do, boss?" "Oh, why don't you jump down, turn around, pick a bale of cotton?"

Fletch in a maid costume: "I'm going to just clean up here"
Old man: "What ever makes you feel sexy!"

"Eat the cookie, Mama!"

[In line waiting for the televangelist service] Guy: "Name, sir?" Fltech: "Irwin Fletcher. Irwin Mohatma Fletcher." Guy: "Address?" Fltech: "Seven."

" Be afraid be very afraid"

Red: "Lets dance!" Ariel: "My daddy hates me in these red boots." Rusty: "I can't believe this town."

Jump back!

"I thought this was a party? LET'S DANCE!!!"

Ren: Ecclesiastes assures us... that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh... and a time to weep. A time to mourn... and there is a time to dance. And there was a time for this law, but not anymore. See, this is our time to dance. It is our way of celebrating life. It's the way it was in the beginning. It's the way it's always been. It's the way it should be now.

up on the roof oh yeah, 100 proof oh yeah, oh ain't that fine oh yeah, drink cherry slime oh yeah
Chuck: "I thought only pansies wore neckties"
Ren: "Yeah, well I thought only a**holes used a word like pansies"

"What's a nice Jewish boy like you doing in the sixth dimension?"

Tod:"I'm a fox!" Copper: "And I'm a houndog!" Tod:"You're my best friend in the whole world, Copper." Copper: "And you're my best friend Tod." Tod:"We'll always be friends forever." Copper:"Yeah, forever."

Crazy Ralf: You're all doomed.

"You're so cool Brewster"- Evil Eddie

"There's no such thing as vampires fruitcake"

Only steers and queers come from Texas and you don't look like no steer!

You think we waste Gooks for "freedom"? This is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang.

SGT Hartman: "What is your major malfunction numb nuts?"

"Well, there's one thing you won't like Private Snowball. They don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall."

Joker: "I want to slip my tubestick into your sister"