Clark: "I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane, with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head. And, I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holly Shit! Where's the Tylenol?" Clark: "Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Chanukah." Clark: "Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fuckin'-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nut house!" Ellen: "Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse." Clark: "WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell." Eddie: "Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour." Eddie: "You surprised to see us, Clark?" Clark: "Oh, Eddie...If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now." Ellen: "What are you looking at?" Clark: "Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn...the clean, cool chill of the holiday air...an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer..." (Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet.) Eddie: "Shitter was full." Clark: "Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?" Ellen: "Clark, please. He doesn't know any better." Clark: "He oughta know it's illegal. That's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it."

[Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswold's yuppie neighbors, appear.] Todd: ""Hey Griswold! Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Clark Griswold: "Bend over and I'll show you." Todd: "You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold." Clark Griswold: "I wasn't talking to you."

"Hello, Still on Holiday"

Rusty: "Are you happy now, Dad, she's dead!"

A dead person breathed on me!

"Good talk, Russ. Don't let your mom catch you with beer on your breath."

"Kids, are you noticing all the plight?" (Gun shot) "Roll 'em up!"

"Hey, Yellowbelly! Hey, tenderfoot, move your chicken wings, turkey! Hey, underpants!"

"I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper, it does just fine by itsef."
Rusty: "Dad, we must have jumped this thing 50 yards"
Clark: "Nothing to be proud of son....50 yards"
Ellen: "Are you happy now Clark? She's deaf!"
Ellen: "Oh G**, the dog wet on the picnic basket"

"We're gonna have so much fun we'll be whistling Zippa de doo da out of our assholes!" Security Gaurd (John Candy): "That's a BB gun" Clark: "Yeah, well, a BB could lodge under you skin and cause a very serious infection." Clark just before jumping into the pool with Christie Brinkly while clapping his hands: "This is crazy, This is Crazy"

"Ahh-the Southern Oracle...it's my scientific spe-cial-ity!"
"To the winch, wench!"

"I may be wet, but my martini is still dry" Sean Connery

Bastian out the window: "MOOOOOOON CHIIIIILLLLLLD!"

"Please....give me a name!!" " I can't!!"

Miyagi: "Never trust spiritual leader who cannot dance."

Barney Rubble, what an actor!

"Wait, hold the phone." Into a tape recorder, "Feed mayonnaise to LIVE tunafish."

Glen's mom: What are you watching? Glen: Miss Nuuude America. Glen's mom: How can you hear what she says? Glen: Who cares what she says.

"Whatever you do, don't fall asleep"
"One, two, Freddy's coming for you! Three, four, better lock your door! Five, six, grab your crucifix! Seven, eight, better stay up late! Nine, ten, never sleep again!"

(Freddy holding syringes)"I wanna draw some blood!"

"looks unreal alex"